Gallen Harbour

Ming Pao Weekly: Gallen Lo Frankly Admitted Divorce. His ex-wife: It’s a Form of Relief

Link: http://www.mingpaoweekly.com/

Scans: Baidu (click on thumbnails to enlarge)

07.05.2008

Free falling from cloud nine to rock bottom, I am now crushed! Gallen Harbour will be on hiatus from now until I figure out a way to convince myself that divorce is really so common, especially in show business. Meanwhile, you could visit TVB Index where Anime will continue to bring you the latest of TVB buzzes, among which you might find Gallen’s pieces. Anime, thanks!

So long!

07.12.2008

“If one’s dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again…”

Thank you all for your caring comments, here as well as elsewhere. The insights you shared have helped me a lot to get back onto my feet and start picking up a broken piece. Thank you!

The following translation of the above-mentioned article was generously provided by Rea from Mosiac. Please credit Rea if you wish to repost. Other related articles can be found here (thanks to Sehseh) and here (thanks to TkN for the link and to Dragon888 for the translation). Gallen has also poured his heart here in his latest blog entry. We can do nothing but respect Gallen and his family for their decision, and continue to support him in this difficult time the little way we know how.

Verbal Dialogue has always been the most ideal form of communication, but when the worst type of communication – arguments, is no longer present either, what will happen to the relationship between two people?

Recently, when news of Gallen Lo’s divorce from his wife of ten years, Fong Man Yee was released from the legal court, I almost didn’t believe it and contacted Gallen to confirm, and was in even more disbelief when he admitted it, saying: “Paper cannot cover fire, when that time comes, I will have to face the outside world. We were already separated for a year and just recently finished completing the divorce procedures. We talked for a long time before making the decision to divorce.” I didn’t think that Gallen would be willing to speak so candidly about his divorce over the phone.

As for Mrs. Lo (or rather the former Mrs. Lo), when asked by this magazine about the divorce, said: “Divorce was a type of resolution and after we made the decision, I felt relieved.”

Both parties insist that they remain friends, she also went on to say: “Our relationship as friends is more suitable for us, and I feel better about it.”

Fong Man Yee has been with Gallen for almost twenty-eight years from the time of their dating days to marriage, and to divorce. Almost heading to thirty years, communication should not be a problem for their relationship, yet that was precisely the problem in their marriage. Gallen states: “It was gradual. We often went an entire day without speaking to each other since we were both so busy. That is not what we wanted from our marriage and we felt like we’ve been living that kind of life for the past ten years. (There’s no third party?) Of course not, after a year of separation, we sat down together with peace of mind and talked for a long time before coming to the decision to divorce. It was only recently that we completed the divorce proceedings.”

It turns out that Gallen and his wife has been thinking about divorce since 2001, but at that time, they considered the fact that their son was only three years old, still very young, and they had hoped that their marriage could be saved, so they intentionally did not bother to begin divorce proceedings. Gallen says: “We did discussed it at that time, but the notion was eventually forgotten, not to mention I left TVB in 2003 and started finding more work overseas and spent a lot of time away from my family. To my family and I, it definitely had an impact. The time away also didn’t allow me to address the problem in my marriage.”

Never called her “My Wife”

Starting from 2003, Gallen has been trying to break into the mainland market, constantly filming five, six series during the time between 2003 and 2006. In the last two, three years, Gallen has only returned to Hong Kong two, three times to visit his family, so during school holidays, his wife would visit him on the mainland set with their son to take advantage of some family time, causing his relationship with his wife to experience “Clear Weather after Rain”. He says: “During this time, we both worked hard at salvaging our marriage and our relationship improved, but there were other exterior factors that came with trying to pursue my career in the mainland, and whenever I encountered obstacles or problems, I didn’t like to talk to my wife about it because I felt that it wouldn’t help matters anyway, but it turns out that she wanted to hear about it. She wanted to know how I was doing. Because we both didn’t bother to tell each other about what was going on in our lives, the chasm between us grew larger and larger, and then there was nothing left to talk about. Not to mention, I’ve always been an introvert, not wanting to speak much, and during these last few years in the mainland, I’ve been living on my own. Whenever I finished filming for the day, I usually returned to the hotel to rest, read a book or watch DVD, which fostered my habit of not talking. We could spend up to a day without speaking one word to each other. When we returned to Hong Kong, the silence continued. She would be cooking in the kitchen or taking care of our son, I would be in the living room reading the newspaper. I was even growing distant from my son. My wife and son could spend the whole day talking to each other, and I rarely participated in their conversations. Whenever I played with my son, she was never present. Even in this activity, we were separate. We were beginning to have our own individual lives.”

In addition to the lack of communication, the reason for their divorce could also lie in their individual lifestyle. He says: “I never called her ‘wife’ like our son would call her ‘mommy.’ Even in correspondence, I would use ‘Mr. Lo,’ not ‘husband.’ We don’t even argue. Arguments are also another form of communication. Without communication, without passion, should we really continue on? So we sat down together with peace of mind and harmony, hoping to resolve the problem, and in the end, we finally decided to live separately for a year before performing the divorce proceedings.”

Difficult to break the news to family

After deciding to divorce, the two actually felt more relaxed, Gallen states: “In the past, I felt that it was a requirement for my wife to take care of me. I never expressed my gratitude to anything that she did, but now I am able to express what’s deep in my heart. The feeling is different.”

But another issue arise after the decision to divorce and that was to tell both families about their decision. Gallen says: “Because my father has been experiencing some heart trouble, his health was not doing so well. I was concerned that he would not be able to accept it, so I didn’t dare to tell him. My wife advised me to control my emotions, that I cannot be too hasty, that I must speak calmly, because she understood what my personality is like whenever I felt impatient. She always said that it only takes me three seconds to go from zero to a hundred. Happily, my parents did understand our situation, but now there is another problem, and that was how to break the news to our son. I had to tell him before it is printed on the tabloids.”

Caring about son’s well-being

When talking about his son, Gallen states lightheartedly: “Everyone knows I deeply love and care about my son. Whenever I encounter the paparazzi when I go out, I would ask that his picture not be taken. It never occurred to me that I would be the one to hurt him. Even though I want to be able to live with him, he will live with his mother, but I am still in charge of his well-being and needs. Living with his mother and having her care will be better for him, not to mention I will not be able to take care him as well as I should because I am always away filming. Before our divorce, whenever I spent time with my son, I always felt so torn. On one hand, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him, but always felt sad because I was going to miss it. I hope that he’ll someday understand where his father is coming from.”

When Gallen was interviewed, he still referred to his wife as ‘Tai Tai (wife).’ It seems like the current state of their relationship is not bad. As for what’s going to happen to their material assets, Gallen has in the past year sold the house he purchased in 2003 and purchased another property nearby. The distribution of their material assets is now being decided by legal means. Gallen says: “We still have a mortgage on the house, and selling it was the most logical step. As for putting my wife’s name on the lease, it is only logical because my wife has always been responsible for it. My wife has always taken care of our assets for many years. I didn’t look too much into it because money is only an object. I only hope that my wife and son can live happily. She is a good daughter in law, mother, and wife. It is just that our fate as husband and wife has ended.”

Ex-wife…still friends

From the looks of it, Gallen and his wife can still maintain a friendly relationship, so when we expressed our desire to interview ‘Mrs. Lo,’ Gallen immediately said: “Sure, she knows you as well. I’ll get her on the phone for you.” Ten minutes later, Mrs. Lo really did come to the phone. About their divorce, she says: “I’m not part of the entertainment industry, so I don’t want to say much. After our divorce, my relationship with Gallen is very good. I just want him to take care of his health, don’t drink too much. When we meet again, it will be as friends. Our relationship as friends is actually more comfortable. Divorce was a form of resolution for us.”

After divorce, Gallen resumes his solitary lifestyle and filming overseas, but he also said: “I also want to film another 40 episode series with TVB, so I can meet with the Hong Kong audience again. Before he ended our conversation, he said: “Even though times have changed and divorce is not such a big issue anymore, but I will always remain my son’s father. I hope that this event will not affect my son and that they will not become fodder for reporters’ gossip. I am very grateful for the help of my friends during this time, their support is very important to me.”

Please credit Rea if you wish to repost.