Continued from Transcript (2)
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Photos: Baidu
Behind the Divorce
S: Everything about you is… long-lasting. Your showbiz career has lasted 24 years, with 18 years at TVB. Such a long time. Your love life was quite long-lasting as well. Since the time you two met, dated, got married, and until recently, divorced, this love story had lasted for almost 30 years. What was the reason that had forced you two to make the move, to divorce, to re-evaluate?
G: I have thought, and I have said these: in this world, it’s very difficult to say what is wrong, and what is not wrong. It’s just so hard to separate them, and so the most important thing is having both parties willing to face the problem calmly and to solve it peacefully. Sometimes, the viable solution would be, such as my case, a breakup. Divorce, in the typical eyes of the general public, wouldn’t be a good thing. I meant, everyone would most likely, if not definitely, advice against it. But then in some cases, it mustn’t be a bad thing. For us, even though we are now divorced, but things are still as well as, if not better than, before. We are polite toward one another, yes, but it stems from sincerity. There are many things you wouldn’t see or appreciate when you are inside. Not until you lose them. For me, I’ve lost something, but I’ve also gained something else…
S: What have you possibly gained from this?
G: In the past, I would go home after filming, see my son and wife, and felt nothing so special about it. It was as normal as it should be. Now that we have decided on this move, have parted, I on the contrary begin to think of many ways - of what and how to try - to love my son. I have always been the one that makes him laugh, but I’ve never tried more (than that).
S: What actually happened that brought you to this decision? Was it just time that made you realize it’s more appropriate to go separate ways?
G: I feel, just like our elders said, it was fated.
S: So the problem was that you no longer felt toward one another? How did you approach it?
G: Yes, that was the problem. We talked… As you know, it is I who work in this entertainment business which my wife and son have been innocently dragged into. They don’t work here, yet because of me, she has to share many of my burdens.
S: You had separated for a year before reaching the decision of an official divorce. You must have insisted on keeping the secret under wrap. How did you do that?
G: I must thank all my friends who had helped me (to keep it a secret), I have realized through this incident that they are my true friends.
S: You told your friends?
G: Yes, I did.
S: And they kept it under wrap?
G: They did help me to do so.
S: Are these friends of yours in or out of showbiz?
G: Both, actually.
S: Did you break this to your parents?
G: Yes, it worked out fine one day when my parents came to visit. At first I wouldn’t think my father could come, since he had been suffering from a heart condition. But that day they both came, and somehow Clare and my son were out, as was our housekeeper. It was about 2 in the afternoon and I was getting really nervous. I didn’t know how to break the news to them or what kind of reaction I should expect. I went to the fridge, got myself two beers, and downed them to summon my courage. I found my father watching daily news on TV, so I waited until they were done, then came forward and declared “Mom, Dad, I have something I need to tell you!” I sat down while my parents’ eyes grew as wide as headlights. “What happened? What have you done?” I’d never talked that way to them, and (obviously) made them nervous. I had to start with the… daily news to calm my father down, and finally broke the news about the divorce “I had to so-and-so…” Luckily my parents were quite sympathetic, and they respected my decision.
S: What about your son? How did you tell him? He’s nine, isn’t he? What did you two tell him?
G: Very gently… Not right after the decision was made, since we strictly can’t talk to him in a heavy mood. We had to wait for a while, then told him gently that both Mom and Dad still loved him so much. We had to tread very lightly.
S: Did he accept?
G: He did. But then his personality is very mild. Even when he was little, if a friend pushed him, he would never push back.
S: Just like yours.
G: Yes, he wouldn’t fight back. He is very generous, very accepting. I think his EQ is also quite high.
S: Has he ever said “Mom, Dad, please do not…”?
G: Well, when the problem first emerged…
S: In 2002?
G: (I think) he knew it. He could feel it.
S: Nowadays children are very quick in sensing (such things)
G: That year I was filming in Shanghai, Clare took my son to go visit me. He didn’t say anything, but he tried to imply his hope by holding both my hand and his mother’s hand in his, swinging himself in between us. He tried to talk using his action.
S: It must hurt.
G: It still does.
S: Back in 2002 you two did see the problem, did try to manage it, so that you could stay together?
G: We did.
S: Have you ever thought of the past as so unreal? You loved each other for 19 long years, and then the marriage only lasted for 9 years.
G: It’s really hard to say. I thought it was fated, such divine arrangement. You have what you have, and lose what you lose. What else can I say… But then, in this whole story, the only thing the media cares for is whether or not a third party was involved.
S: Yes or no? Was it a reason, or was it just rumor?
G: I can only say that time will prove everything.
S: You mean there’s no third party, neither from your side nor your wife’s? Only… love has faded?
G: Affection…
S: But then there are so many marriage couples who have come from love to appreciation and even stay together solely because of responsibility. You didn’t think you could do so?
G: If it was just because of responsibility, I don’t think we should do so.
S: So what’s your plan? Will you visit them periodically?
G: Definitely, definitely. I will also try the best to have more time for my son. I’d like to bring him to class, spending more time with him. I just have to try my very best.
S: What about the future? Will you consider marriage if in the future you meet a special someone?
G: The future is unpredictable. If you ask me whether I am suffering from marriage-phobia, then the answer is no. I still believe in fate, and still try to recuperate. It’s a little hard, but I’ll try. I know I am a little stubborn.
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